oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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