he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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