so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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