Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
