Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
