He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
