Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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