You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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