What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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