i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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