At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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