we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
