If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
