My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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