Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I need to calm my uterus...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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