How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
ok first of all what the fuck
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
