I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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