I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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