I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
