I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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