I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
