Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
