I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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