wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize