I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
