oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
