My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
