So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
