this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i drank out of a bidet.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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