dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
