We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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