my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
