Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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