I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
