hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
