I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
