Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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