My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
