right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
