I like my sex mixed with concussions.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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