i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
