Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
