you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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