Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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