True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
