There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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