She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
