I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
