some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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