I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
