Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
