I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
