I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she smelled like a LAN party
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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