Fuck appropriateness.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
