hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
