Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
