Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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