Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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