I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize