wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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