there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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