you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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