im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
